Fear and the career choice....

On Friday afternoon I told my boss that I was quitting my job in June, taking the summer off....and going back to school in the fall.

On Friday night I told myself I was crazy, that I shouldn't have done that....and what on EARTH am I thinking! Quitting a financially stable, full-time job with benefits and security to go back to school? Who DOES that?

And that's pretty much where I've been since then. My weekend was full of reading about the schooling I want to do and then looking at my bank account and listening to the "you CAN'T and SHOULDN'T do this" taunts inside my head. I woke up at 2am on Saturday in a state of sheer panick because of my decision.

Fear.

That one little word dictates almost every single thing I do. I let fear run my life - I always have. The few times I have made decisions and ignored the fear have ended up being some of the best I've ever made. However, those decisions are few and far between because more often than not - my scaredy cat side gets the upper hand. My rational/comfortable personality thrives on this.

By constantly giving into fear (which, let's face it - the Enemy adores) I am denying myself a life of knowing the PERFECT love that God lavishes on me and the joy that comes in answering His call for my life. Instead, I choose to dwell in the doubt, uncertainty and hurt because it's easier.

One of my favorite bible verses is 1 John 4:18 "...perfect love casts out fear.."

It's easier to dwell in the darkness of fear because it keeps us from taking that leap of faith - a leap requiring our complete trust in God that He WILL catch us when we fall.

Ironically, I haven't even given my notice and won't be for at least another 5 months. But putting that decision out there and telling someone (whom I respect a great deal) has made it 100% real. It's terrifying and exhilerating all at once. I will be trusting in God completely for my finances, education and most things!

I imagine that as the next few months go by I'm going to be attacked from all angles and want to change my mind (as usual) - but leaning on the Lord and recognizing His love will help me to stand firm in my decision.

At least in this one. Baby steps.

You've got skills! And I have no flexibility.

After work today I'm heading to my first yoga class in over a year. My
hamstrings are already crying out for mercy before I've even started.

I'll be that girl in class: the one cringing through a basic forward bend while the superstar in the front row is Namaste-ing her way through the poses like it's a leisurely Sunday stroll. Hey superstar? Namaste this!

I have a tendancy to compare my skills to others; to want what they have and not be content in the time, work and practice it takes to acheive that goal, skill, etc etc. The more I think about what I CAN'T do the less confidence and drive I have. Instead of focusing on the skills and gifts I have - I focus one the ones I don't. And then the jealousy creeps in.

Life circumstances aside (that's a whole other post), your skills and gifts are ones you've worked hard for and been given because they are uniquely yours! God doesn't give or do just anything without purpose.

And that my friends, is where I'm choosing to put my focus and trust.

Make a list of things you do well; your gifts and skills. You may be surprised at how talented you actually are! Now make another list of things you want to try for the first time or give another shot. Which ones stick out? If it's something you once gave up, consider the reasons why you quit and your incentive to start again. That little encouraging voice is most likely God whispering away. Lean into that - He's smart. :)

And the greatest thing about learning new skills and gaining confidence in them? The JOY you find in it! The sense of accomplishment and renewed faith!

So while you're finding every reason in the book to NOT take that surfing class for fear of falling every 2 seconds and looking like a fool....think of me in the back of my yoga class attempting to touch my toes. If it doesn't give you inspiration - at least it will make you laugh.