It's that time again...

...the obligatory New Years Resolution post.
And this time I'm making it public instead of hiding it away in my journal - because quite honestly it's way too easy to stuff that list away and pretend it never existed. This way it's up on my fridge AND the bloggity-blog. Internet - I'm putting it out there for you to see!

I've never been a huge fan of resolutions, because to me it seems like an excuse to make up some kind of obligation just because everyone else is, and then 2 months later you fall back into old habits. It's that time of year when goals are set because the New Year is a "do-over" and a chance to forget what was done or not done in the past year. Personally, I believe goals (or resolutions) can and should be set at any point during the year. Why do we wait until December 31 to come up with something? It seems like it's a form of procrastination. "I'll do this until December 31 and then January 1 it's allll over".

Do it now.

I'm guilty of being a horrible procrastinator. A couple months ago something happened that made me re-think my priorities and my path. My behavior is so often influenced by a desire to conform to the expectations of others rather than inner conviction. I was seeking attention and I had partially slipped back into my old habits of doing (almost) anything to get it. In one moment I realized what I was doing. God called me out on it and that part of my life I had refused to give up.

It's been an interesting journey since then. One that's forced me to really change certain aspects of my life. And now is the time to continue in that. It just so happens that the new year has come in the middle of it :)

So for 2012 - I'm continuing towards these goals and am excited to see where this time next year will have me:

- Focus more on my own path and not the paths of those around me;
- I'm often 5-10 minutes late for everything (except work). Punctuality will be a big focus this year;
- Commit to spending more time in the relationships that matter most (family and friends(who are like family), my students/leaders in youth ministry) and less time in those that are destructive and inhibiting. And of course forming new valuable relationships;
- Daily devotions. I really find every excuse not to spend time doing this in the morning, even when I recognize the great mindset it gives me each day;
- Run a 10k by the summer. Knees refuse to let me do more than a few km at this point, but I am determined to condition and train my body properly to reach this goal if I'm physically able to;
- Get the tattoo I've been contemplating for the past 4 years. Small, simple and extremely meaningful;
- Be happy in my work. I've recently reached a point where I can feel changes coming - this year will be huge for me in terms of my employment....;
- Start swimming and doing yoga more often again;
- Be thankful much more often and take more risks. I focus too much on things I consider to be hinderances (my allergies, certain personality traits and my past) and allow those to dictate my decisions.
- Trust in the gifts God has given me, and actively listen to Him more. My goal is to live out Psalm 119:33-40.

Fear has been a strong component in my life for too long. It's slowly becoming a less noticeable factor and I'm determined to work on it even more.

Happy 2012!

Giving thanks

"The LORD is my shepherd, I lack nothing.
He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
he refreshes my soul."

This weekend is Thanksgiving in the Great White North of Canada - and I can't help but find myself incredibly thankful for the bounty of blessings in my life. I've been hindered by thoughts of confusion, loneliness and self-worth this past week and have refused to REJOICE in each new day and the mercies that come with it. I was caught up in the whirlwind of "everyday life".

Today I drove with a girlfriend to do a grocery-shop for our annual Thanksgiving dinner on Monday. We vented. A lot. About work, finances, friendships and hardships. However, in each topic we came to the same conclusion: The Lord provides and He is good. Simple, honest and raw Truth. We put Life into our conversations about life.

I am thankful for this day. I am thankful for that friend and my family. Most of all - I am thankful that I serve a merciful God who abundantly provides what I truly need - always. Even if I tend to forget that every once in awhile.

"The LORD will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail.
-Isaiah 58:11

Summer "Vacation"

It's been 10 months since I publicly posted on this blog. I've still been writing and reading, but for my eyes only.

I was recently on holidays at one of my favourite places: Tofino. The ocean, the air and the whole lifestyle of the West Coast always rejuvenates me - but this year was different. I came back with the knowledge that I have been ducking and avoiding situations that would force me continue in a relationship I felt I needed a break from. I let certain people and certain situations dictate my faith this past year, and it had drained me.

I almost felt I needed a "summer vacation" from God and the physical church. I still set apart time to journal and read, but never actively pursued Christ and felt relieved that I wasn't obligated to anyone for 3 months.

Reality check! I am still obligated to to HIM. Hello? Who am I kidding here? It took a rainy, blustery and freezing cold morning run in Tofino to make me realize that a certain Someone was literally throwing a bucket of cold water on my face to wake me up! Follow ME in all situations and seek MY name - stop letting stressful situations control how I feel about my Jesus!

I recently finished reading Rumors of God (HIGHLY recommend it) and it's confirmed in me that now is the time to really wake up. To strongly pursue Him and call others to do the same. It also caused me to throw the book at the wall a few times because it's seriously challenging.

Summer reading - and summer vacation is over.

Christy

The first week of November is never going to be the same. Grandpa on November 2, 2004 and now this....

Almost a year ago - my beautiful friend Christy was diagnosed with a very rare form of cancer. She was 25 years old.
She fought so bravely, with incredible faith in God.
Her army of prayer warriors surrounded her and lifted her name up to the Lord every single day.
But it was not His plan to keep her here on this earth.

Christy passed away this afternoon.

She is now whole and free of earthly pain, dancing and rejoicing in the presence of Jesus Christ - while we cry and selfishly mourn the loss of her presence here. God used her in incredible ways through this trial - bringing together a community of faith that was so lacking in this city. He used her illness to do that. Praise Him, for He is worthy.

Romans 14:8 comforted me on Tuesday on my Grandpa's 6th year anniversary - and it is doing the same now. How comforting now to know that we ALWAYS belong to the Lord, in life and death.

If we live, we live for the Lord; and if we die, we die for the Lord. So, whether we live or die, we belong to the Lord.

Our earthly life is so short - and this week my life has been so incredibly filled with the Spirit it's almost overwhelming.
Love ferociously, as our God loves you. Be the hands and feet of Jesus Christ - and He will reward you in ways you can't even imagine.